Opinionated Metalhead: Band Significant Others
I’ve gotten enough flak from girlfriends and boyfriends thinking I don’t like them. Saying I’m rude because I don’t pay attention to them in equivalence to the members of the band. People if I don’t like you I don’t go about it passive aggressively. YOU WILL KNOW. So, me being the unapologetic opinionated “lady” that I am, here is my 50 cents
on the matter.
I am of the opinion that you are NOT entitled to my attention just because you are dating or married to a member of a band. I don’t small talk and I have very few things in common with most women to the point where if I do give them any level of attention beyond cordiality it is uncommon and uncharacteristic of me. It also gives the inclination that they are on the same page with me and I find them a kindred spirit to some capacity. I say women because I am not friends with a lot of female band members as it is a male dominated scene here in Vegas and the ladies of metal I am pals with are phenomenal forces to be reckoned with.
This level of entitlement to attention and respect without earning it reminds me of growing up on Marine Corps bases here in the U.S. Keep in mind my father is a retired Mustang Navy Chaplain (o-6, prior USMC enlisted) and served over 40 years. This was 100% the first 20+ years of my life. I never felt that I was entitled because of his rank or time in. There was no need to wave his rank around to get special treatment for me.
There are loads of children and military spouses that feel a sense of entitlement and respect equivalent to the service member they are affiliated with. Last time I checked unless you signed a contract with Uncle Sam and agreed to be subject to being shot at and blow up to defend the liberties of those both foreign and domestic you do not deserve to be put on the same level. Terminal Lance expresses this well in a Marine Corps inspired comic strip that dives into the everyday bull shit and struggles of enlisted Marines.
Wives and girlfriends would automatically assume that I was trying to get at their man like I’m some home-wrecking man thief when half the time I was just helping them fix their cars and was friends with them wellllll before they met the jealous trollop. If I talked to my friend more than them or barely talked to them at a social gathering it was assumed I hated them. No, I just don’t want to hear about all your ideas for starting a family and living off of my friends pay check (there are exceptions to this rule).
I worked at an exchange (retail shop on base) with a Colonel’s spouse who would scoff and talk down to the enlisted Marines like they were dirt beneath her feet. It got to the point where I told her she ranked lower than them and the only thing she was entitled to was having a sticker on her car to park in the flag officer parking at the commissary. I bit my tongue to keep myself from saying that she should go see the doc to have that stick she had shoved up her ass looked at.
It is the exact same attitude when dealing with the music scene. The girlfriend or wife will talk down to bands that are not as popular or have not been around as long like it’s their place to question someone’s talent and creativity or the amount of balls they have to step on a stage.
I am a music critic and although sometimes I am harsh, it is with a firmly rooted respect for anyone who is brave enough to go on stage without being shit faced drunk to sing and/or play with their soul bare on stage for all to see. If they are shitty human beings I take it at face value and dislike that person.
Additionally, if the band member they are seeing / hooking up with … whatever they are doing… is known for having a rotating door of partners. Why am I going to pay attention to you if you are going to be gone the next week or I see you homie hopping around the scene anyway. Close your legs/ keep it in your pants and don’t sleep with every band member that winks at you and maybe I’ll have a bit more respect for you.
I can’t write about this without addressing the band members themselves. Some of them are just as guilty. Those who know me, I mean really know me, know that I don’t give special treatment to ANYONE. I either like you or I don’t. I don’t care who you are, what you can do for me or what you have contributed to the scene. I am not obligated to tolerate or forcibly enjoy your company.
If one of my friends comes to me and says hey I’d really like you to meet my girlfriend, please be nice. I might throw on a slight layer of cordiality because they came to me ahead of time. I know I can be intense when some people first meet me and I accept that. HOWEVER, those who expect people to be anything more than cordial / somewhat polite to their significant other are living in a fantasy along with their partner and not normally the people I surround myself with on a social level. Stop putting them on a pedestal and setting those unrealistic expectations. It will tear whatever type of relationship you have apart in eventuality.
Bottom line, I’m there for the music not to hunt already taken people. I’m friends with members of the band, not you. You dating the band does not make you entitled to my time. I hate small talk and most girly shit with a passion. You don’t like it …. suck my non-existent dick or earn my respect like everyone else has to. #LikeGroceriesLadies #BandMembersAreOffLimits #SavageAnnie #SorryNotSorry